If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

By Erma Bombeck

"See in case you can learn a paragraph with no guffawing out loud."
Art Buchwald
The captivating woman of laughter has performed it again--this time taking a hilarious swipe at husbands, honeymoons, tennis elbow, marriage, lettuce, the nationwide anthem, and a number of alternative household dilemmas.
"It's enjoyable from conceal to cover."
THE HARTFORD COURANT

Show description

Preview of If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? PDF

Best Humor books

More Blood, More Sweat and Another Cup of Tea

Tom Reynolds is an ambulance employee. On any given day he should be attacked via strangers, sworn at via motorists, puked on, coated in blood, and different even more disagreeable ingredients. He may aid to carry a child within the morning and witness the final moments of a loss of life guy within the afternoon. He offers with street injuries, knife assaults, household violence, drug overdoses, forget, and affliction.

Breakfast on Pluto: A Novel

Breakfast on Pluto, Patrick McCabe's lyrical and haunting new novel, turned a number one bestseller in eire, stayed at the bestseller checklist for months, and was once nominated for the Booker Prize, one of many world's such a lot prestigious literary awards. With marvelous delicacy and sophisticated perception and intimation, McCabe creates Mr.

Nectar: A Novel of Temptation

Ramona Drottoveo, an albino, is a chambermaid at a lush Italian property. wonderful via the intoxicating odor she exudes, Ramona is despised via all girls and cherished via all males, whose inexhaustible lust she eagerly satisfies. lifestyles alterations while her husband dies after gaining knowledge of his bride with one other guy on their marriage ceremony evening.

The Serpent of Venice: A Novel

Long island occasions bestselling writer Christopher Moore channels William Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe within the Serpent of Venice, a satiric Venetian gothic that brings again the Pocket of puppy Snogging, the eponymous hero of idiot, together with his sidekick, Drool, and puppy monkey, Jeff. Venice, decades in the past.

Additional info for If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Show sample text content

Did you ever ask yourself how one can journey over a kid’s footwear below the kitchen sink, within the rest room, at the entrance porch, lower than the espresso desk, within the sandbox, within the motor vehicle, within the outfits impede, and at the washing machine ... yet can by no means locate them while it's time to lower grass? If baby elevating have been to be summed up in a single observe, it’s frustration. you think that you’re at the within song and also you locate you’re nonetheless within the beginning gate. It’s now not that you just count on dividends on what you’re doing ... just a couple of meager returns. ok, take the auto incident. My oldest took her vehicle to the storage for upkeep final week and used my vehicle whereas hers was once being fastened. for 3 days I sat domestic with no wheels (which is like telling Zsa Zsa Gabor she can’t have any further marriage ceremony cake). at the day her automobile got here again she lower back my vehicle keys and stated, “Hey mother, you owe me 3 money for the fuel I installed your automobile. ” i couldn't think what she used to be asserting. those phrases have been being uttered via a toddler I poured 8 hundred and eighty-seven cash’ worthy of supplements down. Paid 100 fifty-four money for her previous the teeth lower than the pillow. Indulged in thousand funds’ worthy of toys (batteries extra). Foot the invoice for 100 eighty-six epidermis arrangements to kill a unmarried pimple. despatched to camp. Took the sink aside to discover her misplaced category ring. nervous myself ailing whilst she cracked an A in human sexuality. Then I remembered a letter teen had written me after she had learn certainly one of my books. perhaps that will get via to her. “Listen to this,” I acknowledged, analyzing from the letter. mom and dad plow through lifestyles, Mrs. Bombeck, asserting to their youngsters, “I’ve labored my palms to the bone for you. I’ve made sacrifices and what do i am getting in go back? ” you will want a solution, Mrs. Bombeck? You get messy rooms, filthy garments, raveled hair, soiled fingernails, raided fridges advert nauseam. You get whatever else too. You get an individual who loves you yet by no means takes the time to inform you in phrases. You get a person who’ll guard you at each flip although you do put on orthopedic socks and luxuriate in hearing Pat Boone and altering your undies daily and acknowledging their presence in public. convinced, occasionally you talked an excessive amount of and infrequently you became away too quickly. yet you laughed with us and cried with us and the entire discomfort, noncommunication, frustrations, fears, and angers confirmed us that regardless of the necessity to be loose and self sufficient and do our personal factor ... you cared. And after we go away domestic, there'll be a bit tug at our hearts simply because we all know we are going to omit you and residential and every little thing it intended. yet so much of all, we'll pass over the continually guaranteed wisdom of the way greatly you like us. My daughter appeared up. Her eyes have been misty. “Does that suggest I don’t get the 3 dollars? ” In a fashion, I blame specialists for the mess mom and dad are in at the present time. They laid a ton of guilt on us in order that we puzzled each stream we made. I learn one psychologist’s conception that acknowledged, “Never strike a baby in anger. ” whilst may perhaps I strike him? whilst he's kissing me on my birthday?

Download PDF sample

Rated 4.19 of 5 – based on 25 votes