Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon

By Douglas Sarine, Kent Nichols

Lethal NINJA knowledge FOR THE NON-NINJA

Carefully reflect on the enjoyment of your soft-headed lack of understanding prior to you start to run, turn, and leap alongside the Ninja Path.
  
After a lot debate and in a spirit of morbid entertainment, the overseas Order of Ninjas has selected to provide The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever mystery ninja education advisor in particular designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who deal with those tender, lethal pages will die–probably in an elaborately awful and painful demeanour. yet even if your trip lasts 5 seconds or 5 days or (rather inconceivably) 5 years, all those that bravely soak up this article and keep on with the tenets and trials laid out inside will die realizing they have been as ninja as they in all likelihood could’ve been.

For the real of center or the tremendous fortunate, this robust and honorable manuscript includes such extra special ninja knowledge as:

•How to create and identify your personal deadly ninja clan
•The right weapon to take advantage of whilst battling a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so risky at the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts exhibiting while to slice and while to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks because the using omit Daisy
•Why pretty well each ninja motion picture ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode utilizing well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll intend to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And even more ninjafied enlightenment on each shuriken-sharp page!

Remember: humans don't take the trail, the trail takes humans.

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Seventy three toes 2. reduce MOUTH OUT OF photo, continue TO entrance GATE AND consult GUARDS during the PICTURE’S MOUTH gap. . 1 MILE three. purchase CRAPPY motor vehicle FROM one of many GUARDS AND PAY HIM IN SPIT. 1 LOVE four. cease by means of BEN’S CHILI BOWL FOR A HALF-SMOKE and a few “WORKS” FRIES. at the method four. force TO KRAZY KEN’S KOSTUMES. collect AND wear AN actual BORG gown. four. five MILES five. BOARD A shipping FOR CAPRICA. seven hundred toes (DOWN) 6. flip correct INTO AN outdated good friend FROM university. 2 INCHES 7. HEAD TO THE MOS EISLEY CANTINA TO trap UP OVER a number of PINTS OF ROMULAN ALE. five AIRLOCK CHECKPOINTS eight. stick with it, keep it up, keep it up, stick with it DANCING. throughout THE evening nine. get up IN MYANMAR (FORMERLY BURMA) subsequent TO A HAM ON RYE (FORMALLY, A PIG AND A TALL GRAIN GRASS). UNKNOWN 10. move instantly right into a education MONTAGE. the space eleven. flip LEFTIST. 10% 12. proceed conversing approximately difficulties and never DOING something approximately THEM. 1 MILE/MINUTE thirteen. locate goal. IN SOUL (NOT IN SEOUL) 14. stick to YOUR goals. anyplace 15. move NOWHERE. . zero MILES sixteen. flip correct the place YOU began. . zero MILES 17. flip correct UP YOUR ALLEY. 10 18. opt for IT. four ITS 19. GET INTO a few “BAD STUFF. ” 6 pounds 20. input REHAB. 12 STEPS 21. end up AT DINNER WITH JUDGMENTAL kin. ETERNITY 22. move TOO some distance. 2 FARS 23. cross DOWN effortless. 1’S delight 24. DIVE right into a dating HEADFIRST. DEEP 25. BE THERE. four HER 26. GET LEFT. a tragic second 27. remain THE direction. TOO lengthy 28. develop into YOUR mom and dad. in a single day 29. pass below THE KNIFE. $5,000 DEDUCTIBLE 30. HEAD at once INTO the sunshine. 6 ft lower than those instructions are for making plans your dying in basic terms. you'll locate that destruction initiatives, terrible injuries, or different lifestyles occasions could cause unlivable stipulations that range from the map effects. the place Are You Going? take into accout, any software so that you can use opposed to an enemy can also be used opposed to you. consequently, it truly is hugely suggested that you simply construct a disorienteering direction together with your extended family to perform protecting your wits approximately you whilst whatever is making an attempt to set you off track. Ninjas teach on distinct classes that truly mess with their conception of house, yet that doesn’t suggest you can’t make your personal mini gauntlet to extend your abilities on your personal yard. the first step: Stick six wood posts and dozens of lengthy, pointy items into the garden with the pointy half sticking up. STEP : Fill your yard with boiling tar combined with Compound 1080. be sure all the sharp issues and the posts are protruding above the tar and focused mobile metabolism blocker. STEP 3: Knock out the facility grid on your zone and stay up for the darkish of evening. STEP 4: carry a baseball bat for your brow with the opposite finish touching the floor and spin round a hundred instances as quickly as you could. STEP 5: Now bounce from submit to publish during the backyard whereas your clanmates whip bricks and Molotov cocktails at you. determine each person will get a flip and continue tune of your occasions. Many dens use this as a warm-up bonding workout earlier than heading out for a venture.

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